It has been a long time since I last made a post. So much has happened in this last year. I am not sure where to even begin. I do know that time doesn’t heal it simply provides the opportunity to learn to live with the loss. So I continue to learn to live a life with out a partner.
It has been 5 years since I came home and found him dead in his favorite chair, but that image is still very much burned in my memory. I still all to often go back to that night and wonder if things could have been different if I had stayed home from work that day. But deep down I know that there is nothing I could have done that would have changed the outcome. We all live on borrowed time and no one knows how long we have on this earth. My only comfort is that I belive Jesus Christ was there with him when he died. I don’t belive for a moment that he was alone.
There is much truth to the phrase “I didn’t get to say good bye” when a sudden death occurs. I have struggled with that these past 5 years. Yes, it still hurts and the pain is still very much a part of my life, however I know that in order for me to live I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not dwel on the past. I can not change the past nor can I worry about the future but I can live in the present and be thankful I am alive. Be grateful for all that the Lord has given me because he has been with me every day since.
Do I wonder what my life would be like if Tom were still alive, yes I do. However that does not privide comfort nor does it help in healing my broken heart. I often feel overwhelmed with feelings of guilt that I didn’t be more attentive to his health issues. However then I remind myself that I was not his mother and he was not a little kid. I did what I could do and the rest was up to him to take better care of himself.
Life has a funny way of keeping us on or toes. While we are here on this earth challenges come and they go how we handle them is what makes us who we are. I for one believe that we can’t do this life on our own, we all need Jesus. There has never been any doubt that my life has been blessed through my trust and belief in God. Even in the storms of my life I try to hang on to the fact that he has my hand and is walking with me. Just like the poem says, there is one set of footprints because he is carrying me through the storm.
The pain of grief has a way of rendering you hopeless and in a very dark place. It can cause depression so deep that you are not sure how to get out or if you even want to. But I promise if you can reach out to Jesus he will hold you while you grieve. That doesn’t mean the pain goes away or those lost feelings will deminish but you will have the strength to fight through it all. Yes I will admit there are days when I struggle to feel hopeful and shake the feelings of loneliness, loss and sadness. So for me I turn to what I know can help me fight through it all, and that is music.
One day the dark veil will be lifted from your eyes and you can see the blessings that he is providing to you. Our savior is the redeemer of life and the overcomer of death so believe that death is not final.
Jesus says.. “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jermiah 29:11 (NIV)
May you find peace and comfort knowing you are not alone through this journey of grief. Remember let Jesus Christ walk with you each moment of each day.
Thank you for taking the time to read this new post. Please feel free to share it or perhaps leave a comment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
May God bless you and keep you tucked in his arms today and always.
Hi Renee!
Read your blog. Good message.
Nicely worded.
Praying for God’s guidance in knowing clearly the path He has chosen for you to travel and wisdom for decisions to be made.
Was so good to hear your voice!
Take care,
Donna
Hi, I am glad to see you are posting again. I have missed reading them. They have helped me through some rough times these past few years. The death of my wife was sudden and shook my foundation almost to a breaking point. I was angry at God for a while but your blog has helped me find my faith again. Thank you. Keep writing. God bless you also
Yes, I do agree with you ! It had been 21 years since my mother has died.
For 30 years prior to her death I vertually had no contact w her, Prior to her death my wife asked me what I
Would do when she did die, my Mother was not a Christian! I only hope that she made amends with the Lord before she left this world. I still think of her today. I think often how I should have handled it. (I was just starting my Life as a Christian when she died ) My mother was not a mother to me and my sister, I resented that until the day she died. I later forgave her.