Help me with my doubt, yes I need help with my unbelief at times. The loss seems so great right now. So much confusion, fear, and unrest with the closing of many businesses. Thousands of people have lost their jobs and many more have died. It’s so easy to lose faith and have doubts. But I know deep down inside that Jesus understands pain on a level we will never comprehend. After all, he went to the cross for us. He took on death so that we may have life.
If God can overcome death then I know he can overcome any virus, disease, famine or tragedy. He will turn the bad into something good. He never said there wouldn’t be trials and tribulations. “Even though I walk through the valley of darkness, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Psalm 23:4)
My beliefs determine my behavior; they impact how I react to situations. Just as light and darkness can not share the same space; belief and unbelief can not share the same space. I have to make room for only one.
These past 16 months have been one huge lesson after another. Dealing with so much death, and making changes I never thought I’d be making have challenged my beliefs. If I said I was always super positive and believed things would work out I’d be lying. There are many days when I wonder if I made the right decisions, but then something pulls me back to my belief that God’s got this. Even if I don’t see the answer, or know what comes next. I choose to believe that out of tragedy comes good. Somewhere in all this chaos, uncertainty God will be victorious.
As for the days when my belief fades and I wonder if my prayers are being heard or where are the answers I’m looking for? Something reminds me of the many times my prayers were answered at just the right time. Not necessarily when I wanted them to be but when he knew it was right. I think he is using this crisis to allow his word to be shared with the masses.
I had never really thought of two sides of belief before my life changed so drastically. But putting it in to words helped me understand that even in the other side of belief I still am loved by God. He understands who I am better than I do. Since his love is never-ending and unconditional I can have a moment of unbelief. He knows I will come back to him. I will bow my head and ask for forgiveness. Through prayer, I will be restored to the other side of belief which fills me with hope and strengthens my faith.
So Lord, today I give you thanks and praise for guiding me, protecting me and blessing me with so many wonderful things. Forgive me the days when I temporarily choose the other side of belief and doubt you. Help me remember that you never made a promise you didn’t keep. That even in the storms of life you are always there by my side. I believe!
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
After the loss of my dad, I wanted to crawl in a hole. Then a friend shared your blog posts with me. I can’t begin to tell you how much of an inspiration and encouragement it gave me. I thank you for sharing your story.
My deepest condolences over your loss. I pray you will find peace and healing. That you know grief has no time limit don’t let anyone tell you it’s time to get over it. God Bless
This really hit home for me. Thank you for being so open and willing to be vulnerable for others to heal.