Didn’t say Good-bye…

I don’t often dream and when I do it’s usually gone in my thoughts by the time I actually wake up. Not today, the dream was so vivid and so real that it woke me from a sound sleep. The feelings it stirred would not go away nor would they decrease intensity. I quickly came to realize that it was the hurt and anguish I still had to deal with. I think the biggest hurt comes from not being able to say good-bye to him. We always think there will be time but then death occurs and the stark realization hits. Our time here on earth is only temporary. What we do while we are here is only temporary and we need to live with a sense of gratitude for each day.

So while I sit here at 2 am unable to sleep I must find a way to be thankful that I have the privilege of doing so. There will be thousands who will not wake up this morning; thousands who don’t know where their next meal will come from, how will they pay their bills? Yes, these can be scary, fearful times and many will experience a form of grief they didn’t know existed. At least In death, we can justify our grief. People will be sympathetic for a while. Then they either start to tell you it’s time to get over it or just stop being there. As I ponder that, I am thankful, because moving away from everyone who knew us I don’t get the comments of needing to get over it.

Figuring out my new life should be easier, right? No, it is not. Would it be as painful if we were not all forced to isolate ourselves? It added more grief on top of the grief I am already trying to cope with. Now I find myself with to much time to reflect on the life I had. Realizing it is gone forever. The hurt just keeps coming. I search for comfort in bible verses because that is all I have to hold on to. Knowing that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13 (NIV)

As I find myself in uncharted waters now I wonder how many others may feel this way too? I wonder why some days I feel so strong and others I don’t? It’s then I become aware that this life journey I am on can not be dealt with alone. I ask myself how can I help others who may be on a similar journey? This grief stuff can be so overwhelming at times that you may not want to get out of bed. But we must eventually take a step forward because staying in that lonely dark place is not what God wants for me or you. It’s all about community and whether we want to admit it we need each other.

There is not a time limit on grief, and we all experience it differently. Leaning on someone does not mean I’m weak. Instead, it shows strength because by allowing others in they can receive God’s blessings. Time does not heal, but it does eventually let your memories not hurt so much. I look forward to that day. In the meantime I lean on my faith and the belief that God’s love for me will carry me through this unfamiliar journey; this season of my life will come to an end. I choose to believe that God will continue to heal my hurt and bless my life on this Earth. I know that is what Tom would want for me too.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” Rom 15:13 (NIV)

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(Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. It is my hope and prayer that you found this helpful. That in your grief whatever it’s cause maybe you can know that you are not alone. I hope that you will go to the contact page and register to receive updates. Please feel free to share this with anyone you may know who’s life is on a similar journey. God Bless.)