I am discovering ever so slowly that it is my own self-doubts that have stifled my healing. By allowing guilt and the should-haves to block the flow of the Holy Spirit. We all get those, it’s the if only I would have done this or that if I could have been there maybe I could have saved him. Then there are the voices that remind me of the many times I took him for granted. Why is it that all those nasty reminders come flooding in to make you feel horrible. Well, probably because I let them in.
Refuge
Be gracious to me, God. be gracious to me, for I take refuge in You. I will seek refuge in the shadow of Your wings until the danger passes. I call to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.” ( Psalm 57:1-2)
Season of Life
This season of life I am now dealing with leaves me on unfamiliar ground. I am learning that this is a time when I need to lean on Jesus with all I have left in me. His grace is given freely to me and I only need to accept it and believe it’s there. Even when I don’t think I see him working in my life, I rely on the Holy Spirit to help me trust that he is there working in the background. Each day gives me two choices, I can either rely on myself (that never works out very well) or rely on Jesus Christ (that always is the better choice).
I still miss Tom so very much, and there isn’t a day that I don’t think about how my life would be if he were still here on this earth. But I also know that God will bring blessings out of this tragedy. I have witnessed this before and if that wasn’t enough just browse through God’s word and you can see it there. There are so many times when his followers were struck with a tragedy but stayed faithful and in the end, God blessed them better than they could ever imagine. God is gracious.
Trials
“In the world, you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”(John 16:33)
As I continue to figure out what this new life is to look like, I remind myself that God has this. I need to “Let go and Let God”. He is the master painter and I am a blank canvas. If I can continue to stay faithful, trusting, and accept God’s grace then I know that one day I will be able to look at this new life and realize how this tragedy made me a better person for Christ.
Surprise it’s grief
This is such a difficult time right now. Everyone is dealing with emotions from being stuck inside, being forced to wear a mask, and not be near friends and family. So without even knowing it, they are dealing with grief. But if we turn our eyes upward and lean on the grace that God gives us freely. Then we can traverse through this storm of life, knowing and believing God will be victorious in the end. I find comfort in knowing that he is a God of love, patience, understanding, and gracious to his children. At the end of the day, I make every effort to give thanks to him for the strength, courage, wisdom, blessings, and yes his grace to live another day.
Not Perfection
It is not easy to continue to praise Him in the storm, if that was the case then I would be perfect. It is in the daily tribulations that I learn to keep my eyes upward. Not that I am happy things are so messy but I know that God’s got me close to him. He understands the pain I am dealing with; He grieves with me. That is how I am able to face each new day and continue to move forward. I trust that my God is here with me and I will see Tom again one day. There is power in the word of God and that power gives me the knowledge that he is here working even if I can’t see it. Glory to God in the highest, he reigns.
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)
Strong Enough
When I think I am not strong enough it’s when I lean on my faith to guide my steps. I wish I could say this is all as easy as it sounds, but that would be a lie. There isn’t a day that goes by that at some point I don’t second guess all my decisions, and wonder if I truly hear his voice guiding me. Am I really listening and following his lead? But then I remember how I got here to this beautiful place and the many people that showed up to help. I know that had to be the Lord stepping in because there is no way on my own I could have managed all of the tasks it took to move me here. If I take the time to reflect on the past 18 months and then my lifetime I can see the many times’ God was there when I needed him the most. I am not strong enough to traverse this storm on my own, I am very thankful God is by my side.
Invite to more
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I wasn’t sure how I felt about God, but reading your posts has helped me see that I need to have a more personal relationship with God. It has been a pleasure reading your posts. Thanks
Hello, I wanted to share that I was given your blog by a friend, I took my time and read all of the posts. They really spoke to my heart and I so appreciate how honest you are with your feelings. My wife died 2 years ago, but I still struggle with her not being here everyday. Readying your posts have helped me know its ok to still feel sad sometimes. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
So good Renee! Such a time of grief for so many and your blog is a ministry to hearts! I have always found healing comes when you give out of your pain. The kingdom of heaven is different than the worlds way when the world says isolate yourself God says I will heal you as you give out of yourself. I love the words you shared about grace”I am learning that this is a time when I need to lean on Jesus with all I have left in me. His grace is given freely to me and I only need to accept it and believe it’s there.” I have been telling myself this it is a storm in this world right now we don’t see normal anywhere but so grateful through it all He stays faithful He does not change His Word still brings life and healing! I love how you always share your feelings but how your Faith rises up and you declare His truth and that is what keeps us through the storms in this life. Thank you for sharing! Rick has spent the last 12 weeks preaching on the power of the Holy Spirit he keeps saying I can’t get away from this. When Jesus said to the disciples I am going away but I will not leave you without a comforter. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit I see through your blog how the Holy Spirit is comforting you and guiding you through this and I trust the Holy Spirit to do the same in my life.