Hear me now

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.”

Proverbs 3:6

Oh, how I wish that scripture would stay burned in my brain because there are so many days when I am not sure where I am to go or if I am on the right path. It often feels so lonely walking this journey. So tonight I found myself listening to my Christian playlist and so many of the songs speak to my heart. They are words that speak of healing, letting go. and letting God heal the hurt.

“When I open a door, no one can close it, and when I close a door, no one can open it.”

Revelations 3:7

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As I sat on my lanai tonight listening to many of my favorite songs I began to wonder if I would ever feel whole again. Would the pain of his death ever not leave such a hole in my heart? But wait I could have been a much better wife to him so what right do I have to be sad, I deserve to be alone. What goes around comes around right? Isn’t that how life works? Isn’t that called Karma? Then I am reminded that is not how the heavenly Father sees life. His love is everlasting and his grace is limitless.

Yes, there are still many days when I feel such a deep sadness that I just want to curl up in my room and forget about life. However, I am thankful that I have the Holy Spirit to remind me that I am alive and there is a Spirit living inside me that is greater than anything. So lean into Jesus and he will give me the strength to just keep breathing, to take the next step, and to see the blessings waiting for me.

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Lord, I need you now and I will always need you. I can’t do this alone, I don’t want to do this alone it’s too painful. God, I trust you and I believe that you will keep holding me, and so onward I go.

You say that you are like the artist who begins with a blank canvas and starts to paint a masterpiece. I think that is what you are doing with my life. You are taking the emptiness, pain, loneliness, sadness, and confusion and making me into your masterpiece.

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I’ve said this before but need to say it again time does not heal it only forces you to learn to live life in a different way. It has taught me some very valuable lessons that I will say I would never have chosen to learn. However, even in the midst of all this, I can honestly say that I do feel blessed and know that God has never left my side.

When I felt called to start this blog thing I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be or how it would be anything more than me spilling my guts on a page for others to read. After 2 years I am not certain if I have anything left. I truly feel spent, empty and numb. So prayers are requested that I can find direction and words to continue.

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Dear Abba, today I come to you and seek your guidance, your direction, and peace. I need to discover where I am to go from here. What is it that you are calling me to do? I thank you for all you have blessed me with these past 3 years. I am so grateful that you have provided for me beyond what I could have imagined. It is only through your grace that I have been able to survive in this place. I lift up to you all those who may read this post or any others that your spirit touches their hearts and souls. That they receive the healing they may need, whether it be physical, spiritual, mental, or financial. Please be with them, reveal your goodness to them. Watch over them and grant them all they seek. When they knock let them find you and heal our nation from all that troubles it. In Jesus’ name, I ask this. Amen