I often wonder if that still small voice I hear deep down is you, Lord. Some times I am never sure if it’s you or my own desire that pushes me forward. These days I am not sure about much except my faith in you. Most of the time I am certain that it is you I hear; because I would have never started this blog without your guidance. It is so far out of my comfort zone it could only be done with your help. Yet I still wonder, is that you, Lord?
It’s another late night and I can’t fall asleep. As I listen to sleep music, and soothing sounds of waves hitting the shore, I am still wide awake. My prayer is for sleep, yet it doesn’t come. So I ask, is that you, Lord? Are you here with me encouraging me to write, pushing me to be vulnerable and share my deepest feelings? Sometimes the thoughts rumble in my head like race cars speeding around the track. This makes it challenging to wrangle them into a complete sentence. I wonder then how do I make sense of anything when everything seems so jumbled? So I question everything and the doubt begins to wiggle in. Deep down I know doubt is not from you but it’s a struggle to stop it.
That is why I find myself asking again is that you, Lord? Someone once asked me how I know when the Lord is talking to me? My response was that it’s that calm peaceful quiet nudge from deep down in your soul. You know the one that tells you don’t do that or yes that is a good decision. So if I truly believe that, why do I continue to ask that question?
Time has a funny way of tricking me. It will sometimes allow me to think everything is ok, then boom out of nowhere comes the tears. I know that one day I will be able to have peace when the memories come. I am thankful for each new day to heal, be a better version of me, and seek to find my purpose in this new life that has been thrust upon me. It may seem at times that I am beaten and losing the battle but I strongly believe that I am surrounded by the glory of God.
What if all this chaos is designed to draw me closer to you? What if all these trials and moments of doubt are so I seek you? Maybe this is so I can truly believe Jer 29:11-12: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper” you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” I know that good can come out of pain. I think of a caterpillar who covers itself in a chrysalis then weeks later it must struggle to break free to become a beautiful butterfly. Life is like that chrysalis, the struggles challenge me to draw closer to God so that I can become that beautiful person God created me to be,
Is that you, Lord, I say yes it is, because I know that out of chaos, tragedy, loss and the storms of my life if I look I can see your hand has carried me through. One of my favorite poems is Footprints in the Sand and I thank you Lord for carrying me.
” Footprints in the Sand”
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.” (author unknown)
*****Have Peace above the storm… Know that Faith will move mountains..have Hope beyond this world and always have Love because without love there is nothing.******
I want you to Know how useful your posts have been. I use some of your thoughts in my preaching and teaching. Hope you are doing well and God bless.
That is so humbling to hear that my posts have been helpful in your ministry. Thank you for sharing your uplifting thoughts.
You always seem to be spot on for all of your posts. Thanks for sharing your heart. <3
Another Great post! I could just hear that song as I was reading- Surrounded…it may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by you. I love your transparency as you write. The Rock you are on is stronger I believe the more you write hard to explain but as I have read your blogs the strength of your writing is getting stronger. Keep on writing I believe healing is happening in the process. I know you feel it. Love you Renee! Thanks for sharing your blog if your able to add comment below the blog I think it would encourage people to respond more. Awesome! You are in my prayers.
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. It brings me comfort and confidence. Thank you for your continued prayer support too.
I really enjoy your outlook on things, Renee. Thank you.