I’m realizing each day that I must learn how to take care of myself by myself. After 43 years of marriage, taking care of a family and having a wonderful spouse who cared for me. He provided for our family always and when you needed him he was there. Now I’m learning that there is no one physically there for me. It’s time for me to learn who I am without a spouse. What a daunting thought that has been and each day I discover something different about myself. One important thing I have learned so far is that I need my relationship with the Lord to be at the forefront of all that I do. That is the only thing that sustains me when I am scared, sad, feeling alone and lost.
Every season has a reason
I have also found it ironic that as I walk through this season of my life it fits right into my ministry. When I was given that task 11 years ago to start Seasons for Life Ministries I never imagined how well it fits with life. Even though I had gone through many different periods of my life, I did not connect the dots that they are seasons. God provides these seasons as learning tools. They are meant to draw us to have a closer relationship with him. What I learn from all these ups and downs depends on my attitude. Yes, it would be easy to feel sorry for myself, crawl in a hole and be depressed because of all that has happened. But with the grace of God I have chosen (most days) to see his blessings and trust that God’s got this.
“I lift my eyes to the mountains where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)
This new season of my life has challenged me to dream again. To leave those dreams in the hands of Jesus and believe that he will make them come true. God will not fail me if I just trust in him. I believe he did not bring me to this point to let me down. I believe that what the enemy wanted to use to destroy me God will use to bless me, to glorify him and bring me closer to my destiny. I have been created in Christ Jesus for good works.
Giving up control
I’ve always known that thinking I have control over my life was an illusion. If that was even possible then I would have made things be different. But once you learn that the only control we have is our attitude, and our actions. Life can be a lot more tolerable. If I have learned anything these past 26 months it’s that very concept. If I choose to sit and feel sorry for myself and choose to hide away then the consequences will not be healthy or beneficial. Nothing I do will bring Tom back but I can keep moving forward. Each day is a new day to figure out who I am and letting go and letting God be who he is, God the creator of all that is. Now don’t think for a minute that any of this has been easy time, because that would be an illusion. Nor do I want to give the impression that I am living a carefree life. Suddenly being single has been one huge global size adjustment. So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that my God is guiding those steps.
Finding ways to heal
When I have worked with others who are dealing with grief, I always suggest they find something that can help them focus on the goodness that God provides. A way to allow one self to heal. For me that is music, I often find myself immersed in my play list allowing the words of a song to minister to me. Sometimes a song plays that I really needed to hear at that moment and I can feel a sense of peace fill my spirit. I’ve often taken a nice long bike ride, being in the outdoors surrounded by nature helps me feel closer to the Lord. It’s all about finding ways to deal with those negative feelings that flood my mind. I need all the help I can get so I can fight through the grief. Because I am a survivor and I will not let the storms of life destroy me. I stand with hope, faith and trust in God’s promises.
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope that we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. (Hebrews 10:23)
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So good! “ the only control we have is our attitude, and our actions” what comes to my mind is let go and let God have control in every area of my life. So hard to do sometimes I guess it’s human nature to say I got this but your blog really speaks to my heart the importance of reminding myself daily my need for Him in every area of my life. Thank you for sharing your journey of all God is showing you! You are a blessing Renee!
Reba, thanks for being such a great supporter of my blog. I so appreciate your feedback and support. Blessings to you and your family.