I know this is an odd title but I felt that with everything that is going on it was very fitting. Because my future is yet to be determined, (TBD)? As is with anyone who is dealing with a loss. Oh and, there are so many losses today. Thousands have died alone because the authorities wouldn’t let the family be with them. That’s cause for grief on so many levels. Then there are the thousands more who have lost their income, maybe even their homes, which means more grief to deal with. Yet no one recognizes it as grief. Because there is a stigma that grief only comes when a death occurs.
A Grief definition:
Grief: The normal process of reacting to a loss. The loss may be physical (such as a death), social (such as divorce), or occupational (such as a job). Emotional reactions of grief can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair.
“His faithful promises are his protection over me. They are his armor that keeps me safe.”
As I move through each day I can’t help but wonder what is around the next corner. Time just keeps moving forward even if I don’t want to. How do I figure out what my life is supposed to be if it feels like pieces of the puzzle are missing? If I hear one more time how great it is that I get to build a new life and do whatever I want I may punch someone. My attempt to figure things out has not been successful and most of the time I feel lost. A bit like wandering around with blinders on.
Yet I know one day the tears will not be so frequent and the pain will not cut so deep, that is a promise from God. For now, I will continue to take it one day at a time, or hour by hour if need be. It’s all part of surrendering my life to the spirit so my path will be revealed when the time is right. I have no way of knowing when that will be and that’s ok. What I do know is that healing from grief has no time limit. No one can tell me it’s been long enough just get over it. Life is full of trials and storms, that doesn’t mean God is not protecting me. Instead, he is drawing me closer to his spirit. It is my choice how I let those situations define me, they can either break me or strengthen me. Most days I choose strength, but there are those days that they break me. The tears begin to trickle down my cheeks as I’m flooded with memories of our life together.
As I carry the love I have for Tom in my heart and mind, God will grow my faith and deepen my desire to be closer to him. I believe this is a time to learn, grow spiritualy so I can bring comfort to others who find themselves dealing with a season of grief. As I walk or stumble through this season of grief I continue to have hope.
So I am ok with TBD because I know that in the end, God will make something beautiful out of my life. I choose to believe that is what Tom would want to.
One lesson I have learned so deeply is that life is short, we are NOT guaranteed tomorrow. I can not worry about what it will bring. As I get the gift of a new day it is my choice to live it fully or to waste it away. Each new day is – “to be determined.”
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:18)
You are so right so much loss right now and so many including myself finding new ways to grieve. I lost my spiritual mom on May 20 such a sadness but then feeling I couldn’t attend her service I found myself asking God how do I release this grief and the Lord was so close to me like what you spoke about as I just surrendered to the grief I started to feel some relief. I felt the Lord start reminding me why I loved her so much and then I found Him putting on my heart to start writing these things down. As I see you walk through this I am encouraged healing comes and their isn’t a time where it just stops the memories the reality that they are no longer here, is difficult. It comforts me to know she is with Jesus but still a hole in my heart. God is our firm foundation and I feel the more I don’t stuff but talk and even as I write it is a form of release and healing! This blog brings healing keep writing Renee.
I am so sorry for the loss and grief you are dealing with. It is comforting to know you are not alone. It is a blessing to know that my words have aided in your ability to not stuff the feelings. God Bless and keep on moving forward.
Renee. I want you …. to read this line s l o w please ….
☆ the Holy Spirit wooshed over me, hard, as i read this weeks entry ☆
It is RICH. I don’t know if this statement makes sense (but it does to me 😁) “IT HAS TEXTURE” & Depth & A Knowing & A Security in you …. like nothing you’ve wrote before ….. how i wish SO BAD i could embrace you …. “from the heart we speak” & yours is Absolutely B e a u t i f u l …. 🌺🙌🌈💜
This gave me such warm fuzzies. thank you for sharing and sending love. I feel the warm embrace through your message.
Hi Renee ,
Just shared your latest blog w my wife she was truly touched by your insight and how you were able to share the TBD concept. I also was touched by your in sight and by your thoughts That went into expressing the TBD concept, thank you 😊 for sharing! I believe that the world would be a much better place if people would share.
“I also believe that is what GOD wants “
I can’t say thank you enough for those kind remarks. It gives me a boost of encouragement and self-confidence. God bless you and your family.