My life is in his hands

In one of my morning devotional times, I read a phrase that has stuck with me. “When we having nothing left but God, you’ll find that God is enough.”

I am definitely at a point where I have nothing left, and in my grief, I did reach for God. When I saw this quote in the picture I knew it was meant for me. So many times these past 753 days I have wondered why some of my prayers went unanswered?

I have found myself asking do I really want that, or need that? Maybe it’s just the selfish side of me hoping for blessings that were not meant for me. Because God has something better in his plan for my life. I have asked numerous times how am I supposed to figure out what this life is to look like. It seems like a gigantic task to figure life out. Then I come across a quote, or scripture that reminds me that God’s got this. I am not in control of all that goes on around me. I can only control my attitude, my emotions, and my reactions. The rest is better left to God to handle. We are not meant to worry about the things of this world.

If we could see the bigger picture it would be so overwhelming I know I would cower and hide in a corner. Therefore even though I am not happy with how I got to be a single person. I choose to believe that God’s plan for my life is filled with goodness and blessings.

After all “The peace of God…will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7) He will always be there even when it feels like he is not. Often times when I felt like that it was because I chose to shut him out. Maybe not intentionally but none the less I did shut him out.

It is impossible for me to count the number of times in my life I got mad at God, shook my fist at him, or shut him out of my day. Often days at a time and then wonder why I had days filled with storm after storm. I am not saying that when I start every day giving God the thanks and praise he deserves the day goes smoothly and perfectly. That is not reality, but what I do get from that is a peace that only he can provide to get me through the tough times. So when I can’t hold back the tears, or those times when I want to bury my head and cry but for some reason don’t. It’s then I turn my focus toward the Lord and ask for help. It’s always so interesting to see how God answers that cry. Maybe a phone call from a dear friend, a card in the mail I didn’t expect, or my little Yorkie crawling up on my shoulder to give me a hug. That reminds me that the Lord is right here with his loving arms around me.

So many times as I start to share my struggle through this season of grief I hope to find comfort in knowing it wasn’t meant to last forever. Jesus also grieves with me, he understands my loss more than anyone else can. As hard as that is to comprehend I do believe it is true.

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My life is in his hands and that is the only way I can get up every morning, make my bed, get dressed, and walk out the door. With all the craziness that is going on in our world today my only comfort is believing that God’s got this. He will be victorious and his will shall be done. Getting mad, feeling resentful, or being depressed will not change the outcome of life. Instead, I want to focus on the many good things he has given me and know that this life is on borrowed time. Tom’s sudden death was a stark realization of that fact.

But had someone told me 2 years ago I would be starting a new chapter of my life in Hawaii as a widow, I would have said they were on drugs. Yet here I am, in one of the most beautiful places on earth striving to find my way. Learning to trust the Lord more and more each day. Believing that is how I will find my way.

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I would be lying if I insinuated that my life was always fun and wonderful, I struggle with many things each day. But what I am finding out is that if I look to Jesus for help then the path doesn’t seem so daunting or impossible. Even though at times I feel so alone, it’s important to remind myself that I am not alone. Putting my life in God’s hands gives me the peace, wisdom, and courage to keep on keeping on. Oh, but how I wish it were always as easy as that sounds.

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At the end of the day, it’s so important to say thank you for keeping me safe, healthy, and cared for. More importantly, thank you for sending your son Jesus to die on the cross so that I can receive salvation; forgiveness for all my sins. A clean slate each day to start over and work at being a better me. I am thankful and blessed because I am a child of God. His love endures forever and ever. Because I still believe in his faithfulness and his promises. Therefore I place my life in his hands.

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills – from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord. (Psalm 121: 1-2)

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May God bless you and give you his peace…..