How could I have ever guessed that my life would have taken such a giant leap into the unknown? This is why I have been very lax at writing for my blog, mostly because I have been going through many stages of doubt. Wondering why I ever started it and why would I think I have anything worth sharing for others to read. So when I would sit down to write I couldn’t which then made me so frustrated I turned to the one thing that could distract me: watching TV. I wouldn’t allow myself to admit it was a way for me to shut out the words running in my mind screaming “tell your story”.
I’ve always tried to be open, honest somewhat vulnerable but upbeat. When my days are filled with a dark sadness I find it hard to share that. I want to stay inside and hide so no one else can see my pain. Then when I walk out the door to face the day I can put on a happy face and when I am asked how I am doing I can say great, or fine.
However when I step back and remember “whose I am” and that my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally it allows me the chance to renew my mind, soul, and spirit. Music has always been my go-to avenue for centering myself back on God. I used to joke and say I often feel like the cartoon character “Taz” he would get crazy and wild then when music was played he would calm down and be nice. As I write that I am reminded that we do have two spirits within, one is the flesh the other is the holy spirit. The one I choose to feed the most is the one that will prevail. Just like the saying goes, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”.
I never imagined this stage of my life looking like it does now. I expected to celebrate 50 years with Tom and spend our anniversary somewhere romantic. I also never imagined that I would be building a new life and actually live in Hawai’i. Funny how God’s plans are not the same as mine.
I was asked recently if I was mad at God for Tom’s untimely death. My reply was no I am not and that surprised them. Being angry at God would not bring Tom back, nor would it make me feel better about his death. Thankfully the only thing that has helped me is that I leaned on Jesus trusting that his strength would carry me through this storm. Don’t get me wrong there are days when I reminisce about the life I had or what it could look like if he were still alive. But I have been learning those days are the devil’s attempts to draw me away from my heavenly Father.
If I listen for God’s voice in everything I do, everywhere I go; He’s the one who will keep me on track. (Proverbs 3:6)
There is nothing easy about this season of life I am walking through, however, I am learning that through Christ all things are possible. Yes, I knew that before but now I am beginning to truly learn that his plans are better than anything I could ever come up with. Leaning and trusting in him brings much peace, and boy there are days when that peace is so needed. So I pray come Holy Spirit fill me with divine peace, calm my soul and guide my thots and words. Draw me close to Jesus so I am closer to the Father. Let me be all you have designed me to be and may all I do bring glory, honor, and praise to you Abba, Father.
Thoughts to ponder: So where do you draw your strength from? Do you wake up in the morning and thank God you have a new day to start over? Do you seek Jesus in a way that honors the Father? How do you grow in your spirituality? What are your priorities, are they God 1st everything else after that? What excuses do we use to keep us from spending time with him? How much do you trust in Jesus? Do you really believe our heavenly Father loves you unconditionally? If not how can you change that belief?
Heavenly Father, I come to you this day and ask your forgiveness for not giving you the time you so rightly deserve. Help me to overcome my insecurity and doubts that you are near. Guide my thoughts, actions, and words so they bring honor to you. Heal our nation, and our land, and bring forth honesty and integrity to all those who serve our nation. I lift up those who need to come to you and ask for their salvation so that when you return they can be with you. Come Holy Spirit and breathe the breath of life into the many who are spiritually dead. Thank you, Lord, that you hear my prayers. Always and forever I am yours.
Renee,
So true, we need too keep the Lord in our thoughts every day, I know that it is not easy with all that most days bring ! Here are some Psalm that I reflect on
So that I can keep The Lord in my daily Life !Psalm 134: 1- 3 ,Psalm 150: 1-6 ,
Psalm 146: 1-10 , we must keep praising the Lord daily until our lives on earth end and our eternal begin in Heaven ! No matter what what happens Day to day , Month to moth ,or Year we must keep the Lord at the top of our list !
Thank you for sharing those scriptures. I do enjoy the book of Psalms. I almost always start my day with Today is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad for he is Lord of all.