There have been times when the hurt was so deep that I didn’t want to hear about hope. But I knew deep down that hope was the only thing that was getting me through this difficult time. It was Hope that enabled me to get up each day and deal with numerous decisions that needed to be made. It’s the kind of hope that comes from knowing God will always be there, but having hope didn’t mean that my grief was any less painful.
I am so thankful that I had such a community of people to help me walk through those first few awful months and that’s not to say the following months were any less painful. People showed up to help me pack, clean, clear out and organize what to keep and ship and even paint so the house could go on the market. My realtor was an absolute gem. He came to my home almost daily to help with yard work, clean out stuff then load a trailer to take to the dump, paint, and so much more. I had never heard of a realtor who would go that far above and beyond what was expected. I tried not to lean on my children too much because I knew they were dealing with this tragic loss as well, however, having them close was such a comfort and I could feel Tom’s love through each of them.
With each passing day, I had to make decisions I used to make with my husband and now was forced to make them alone. No one to bounce the ideas off of and no one to hold me when I felt sad or alone. It’s a whole new way of life and one I didn’t think I’d have to deal with for several more years. We often joked about what we’d do for our 50th anniversary and tease each other about being together for the last 42 years.
Now I am a wife with a husband who lives in heaven.
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May God bless you and give you his peace.
Dear Renee, I recently lost my husband. It was due to a heart attack but they tried to say it was from the virus. An acquaintance suggested I check out your blog. I finally got the nerve to see why they said that. I have to say your willingness to be so open with your feelings has really touched my heart. I thank you for putting words and feelings to many of the thoughts and feelings I have been dealing with since his death 6 months ago. I look forward to reading more. What a blessing.