Strong Comeback

When I started this blog I promised myself to keep it open, honest, and from the heart. Also to have it stay positive so others may know that God simply wants everyone to know he loves us very much, to trust him and love him back.

Why?

However there are many days when upbeat and hopeful I am not. Even though I know deep down that negative feelings are not from the Lord. I sometimes can’t help but feel so alone and lost. I question why Tom had to die? why did I have to sell my home and everything I owned? why did I have to leave a life I was so very comfortable in? How do I even begin to build a new life when I am missing the one I had? Why?

Feelings are messy

In my attempt to manage all those thoughts and feelings I hear this soft small loving gentle voice tell me it’s all going to be ok. That I am not alone and never was; this to shall pass. You are grieving and hurting but it’s ok I am holding you close even if you can’t feel me. I am here. Close your eyes, be still, and know that I am God. I have not forgotten you nor have I forsaken you. You are my pride and joy, my daughter whom I love and long to have you be close to me. Lean into me and trust that I am working to give you the life you deserve; your dreams will come true.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."       ( Jeremiah 29:11) NIV

In my deepest darkest moments I still have hope, even if it’s a small flicker. My first response is to isolate and hide so no one knows I am hurting. So finding something that can bring me back to that place of peace is crucial. Sometimes it comes in a song, or book I am drawn to. Also it shouldn’t be a surprise in these moments I can get a phone call from someone who says they’ve been thinking of me and how am I. That becomes the life preserver I needed. That is Christ showing up when I needed him the most.

Death is painful

Death is very much a heartbreaking event, no matter how the death happened. I have been witness to people losing loved ones after a long illness, tragic accident, suicide, natural causes, and murder and I can tell you that no matter the circumstances death for those left behind is painful. The journey through grief is different for everyone. I know for me that if I didn’t have my faith in Christ this would be much more difficult. So as I lay my head on my pillow each night I thank God for the strength to get through another day. I look back to see where he showed up for me. To see the single set of footprints in the sand, because that was when Christ was carrying me

You see, death is temporary because one day we will meet again in heaven. After all he is Lord and no matter what goes on around me if I continue to trust, let go and follow his leading all things will work out. I will always miss Tom but one day it won’t hurt as much and the memories won’t cause such deep pain. Instead, I will be thankful for the life we had together.

Believe or Not

I choose to believe this is only a minor setback and the comeback will be greater than could ever be imagined.

My journey through grief will be different than yours, because each relationship is different. I don’t pretend to be an expert on the topic. My hope is that as I share the struggles of this journey by being as real as possible it can be a light in a time of darkness.

Perhaps when asked why tragedy and death happens, the answer will be so that we listen to that voice when we feel we are to reach out to someone because we never know if there will be a tomorrow. May it also cause time for reflection as to where will you spend eternity?

'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13) NIV