Triggers??

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He saves those whose spirit is crushed. (Ps.34:18)

There are days when I feel as though a dark shadow is hovering overhead. It’s a whirlwind of emotions that flood over me. I knew there would be things that could trigger a sudden burst of tears. But each time it happens it still catches me off guard because I never know what will be a trigger.

I wish I could say that I always run to Jesus but I don’t. Sometimes the emotions are so overwhelming all I want to do is lay across my bed and cry. I do eventually come to realize I can’t stay curled up in a ball so I turn to the only thing that gives me comfort, prayer, and music.

I understand anger is a stage of grief; but I truly thought I was handling things, then something unexpected triggers my emotions, and the tears just roll down my cheek. I’m reminded of how many things I took for granted, even though I tried not to. All those little things he loved to do for me. Bring me flowers just because I had a rough day at work. Have dinner ready, or a nice hot tub full of bubbles with candles and a glass of wine. I ask myself how I could assume it would always be that way?

These triggers can seem so off the wall. Once it was hearing a ring tone on someone’s phone, or I see a white dodge caravan. Those are only a few of the triggers I’ve experienced. I believe that anyone who had a loved one die also has things that trigger emotions. They sneak up when you least expect it. Dealing with them can be a challenge.

I read in a book that the fog of grief lingers. The heartache continues, and so do the tears. But it is a season of life and it will end. Therefore I remain hopeful that through Christ I will heal and the heartache will end. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that fateful night that forever changed my life. But I do believe that as I walk through this season of my life there will be a rainbow at the other end. Because God promised he would always be there with me even if I didn’t see or feel him.

There is a peace that comes from and through Jesus. It comes from knowing and believing in his unshakeable love for me. His promise that through the fires he is refining me to be in his image. Because I am his best creation I am a masterpiece in progress.

So when the next trigger comes that inflicts the heartache I’ll get better at leaning on Jesus to heal the hurt; I trust that it shall pass.

I thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength and grace to find my way each and every day.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not rely on your own understanding think about in him all your ways and he will guide you on the right path. (Pr.3:5-6)