Why Me?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has asked that question when things are not going so well. But how many times have I asked that question when my life is good. As I continue through this season of my life, I now ask the question “why me”? However, what I mean is why did you pick me at the young age of 14 to receive you into my heart? Why over the years have you been with me through all the tragedies that have crossed my path? Yes, instead of asking “why me” for the tragedies, I am asking why me for the blessings.

Gift of grace all around

You have given me so many blessings in my life. An amazing husband for 42 years that showed me, unconditional love, treated me with respect, was my partner and friend. Three beautiful children who grew up to be amazing, responsible adults. You’ve saved me from death on more than one occasion. You healed my heart and soul from years of emotional abuse. You saved my unborn child and gave me a new life. Provided us with the means to send all three children to a private high school, we definitely could not have managed that without your help. Did I ever take the time to stop and ask why me for all the times you showed up even when I didn’t ask? Even now you still continue to provide the grace I don’t deserve because you are a God with never-ending love, compassion, and forgiveness.

“You are a forgiving God… abounding in love.” ( Nehemiah 9:17)

Even If

Now I am in a different season of my life. One that has me often wondering what’s next? How can I possibly find my way when I feel so lost and alone? How did I get here? What is this life supposed to look like? How am I supposed to be happy when I feel so sad? Yet, it doesn’t feel right to be happy or build a new life without Tom. This wasn’t how I had it figured out. Nothing is how I thought it would be. But then I look around and need to ask “why me” once again, you provided a wonderful place to live, good health, and quite often a peace in my soul that only can come from you. My broken heart you are healing one day at a time, teaching me patience, perseverance, trust, and forgiveness. Even as the memory of that day never fades away I cling to the hope that in time it will not sting so much.

Growing close

In these past months, I have had to learn to trust in the Lord more than I ever imagined possible. I see that his purpose for my life is to be drawn close to him. He seems to always be there with what I need when I need it. Often times it is not at all how I thought it would be. As I learn the importance of looking up when things look bleak, it gives me the opportunity to see life from a different perspective. Even in the midst of all my grief, I want to choose to see life as a gift. 🎁 💝

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

So the next time I do ask why me? I want it to be with a sense of gratitude. The essence of a sincere heart that knows all that I have and all that I am is because our God is a giving, loving God. He only wants what’s best for me and he understands the grief I am dealing with better than anyone else can. I’m reminded of how he grieved when his friend Lazarus died. I know that he hears my silent cries and as I draw closer to him he strengthens me.

He lets his love shine down on me, he holds me close and promises to never let go. He leads me with strong hands and leads me through each day. I am forever grateful that my life is in his hands.

“Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. (Psalm 147:5)

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